Thousands Forgive 1MDB Scandal After Riding MRT

    KAJANG: After an enjoyable ride along the new MRT Sungai Buloh-Kajang (SBK) line this morning, thousands of commuters announced they have forgiven Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak for the multi-billion ringgit 1MDB scandal. “I admit I had misgivings towards the Prime Minister and Barisan Nasional,” said one commuter, “particularly in April when 1MDB […]

Erdogan Tells Najib: You May Need To Stage Your Own Coup!

ISTANBUL:  Hearing of the difficulties Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak was experiencing from the US-1MDB assets seizure scandal, today Turkish president-for-life Recep Tayyip Erdoğan suggested the Malaysian leader consider staging his own failed coup. “There’s nothing like a good failed coup to rally up your supporters,” Erdoğan told the few Turkish reporters not […]

Supreme Leader Says Gazetted National Security Council Bill Has Him Feeling Safer Already

PUTRAJAYA:  Malaysia’s much loved Supreme Leader Datuk Seri Najib Razak had his supporters in stitches last night after making a hilarious joke about Malaysia’s new National Security Council (NSC) bill  which was gazetted into law despite royal requests to refine it. “Our Dear Leader brought the house down when he quipped, ‘I feel safer already!’” […]

Malaysia On Track To Help London Achieve High Income Status

BATTERSEA: Today Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak vowed not to let individuals with political agendas distract him from making London a high-income nation. “The Prime Minister reminded critics Malaysia is the 2nd largest investor in London commercial property after the USA,” said a spokesman. The Finance Minister explained in a meeting with UK hedge […]

Surgeons remove patient’s head, promise to find replacement later, in world’s first Mahathirectomy

ROME:  Italian neurosurgeon, Dr Luigi Boscaiola today announced he had successfully completed the world’s first Mahathirectomy today.  This revolutionary head transplant procedure was named after a famous Malaysian doctor. “A Mahathirectomy is a complicated procedure and is recommended if everyone agrees a patient is suffering from a bad head, but nobody yet agrees on what […]

Saudi Foreign Minister Gives PM Mock Cheque

ISTANBUL:  Last night in a carefully orchestrated ceremony, Saudi Foreign Minister Adel Al-Jubeir not only confirmed the US$680million donation to Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak came from Saudi Arabia, he delighted the assembled press by commemorating the transaction with a ceremonial mock cheque. “This proves once and for all the US$680 million donation […]

Nation’s Car Loan Guarantors Off The Hook After PM’s Lawyer Suggests Signatures Don’t Matter

KUALA LUMPUR: Malaysians who had felt obligated to act as guarantor for a ‘fiscally challenged’ friend or relative breathed a sigh of collective relief this evening after the Prime Minister’s lawyer Datuk Mohd Hafarizam Harun confirmed signatures like Datuk Seri Najib Razak’s seen on questionable 1MDB financial documents were just a formality and don’t necessarily […]

Budget recalibrating 2016 PM wishes 2013 PM hadn’t returned so much donor money

PUTRAJAYA:  Today the 2016 PM who is currently slashing the budget to address falling oil revenues, admitted that extra RM2Bil, 2013 PM didn’t want would be very useful now. “2016 PM said if he still had that returned RM2bil Saudi donor money, he could use it to help recalibrate the budget, feed hungry students, build […]

RM2.6Billion: Give me time to decide if PM innocent or not guilty, says A-G

PUTRAJAYA:  Today Attorney-General Tan Sri Mohamed Apandi Ali said he needs time to study investigation papers relating to the RM2.6 billion found in the prime minister’s bank account and is still deciding if he will find Najib innocent or not-guilty. “This probe into a huge secret RM2.6bil donation received just before a democratic election is […]

PM Sues The World

KUALA LUMPUR:  In a landmark legal case, today lawyers representing Malaysia’s Prime Minister Najib Tun Razak filed a suit against the planet. “The PM believes he is a victim of a global conspiracy to topple him from power,” said a lawyer representing the embattled leader,  “given the difficulty suing the Wall Street Journal, Al Jazeera, […]

PM’s supporters to Dollah: Don’t take responsibility and resign. Set up a task force!

PUTRAJAYA:   Malaysian politicians close to the PM were in shock this morning after news broke Malaysia’s football coach Dollah Salleh took full responsibility for Harimau Malaya’s 10-0 world cup qualifier loss and actually resigned. “I don’t think owning up to poor performance and stepping down is the Malaysian culture,” said a pro-Najib supporter, “at least […]

Dr M’s Anti-Najib Anti-Bersih protest sparks Uniqlo blue check sell out

KUALA LUMPUR:  Today, Japanese clothing retailer Uniqlo admitted to selling out of men’s casual blue checkered shirts at its Malaysian outlets.  Analysts believe this is due to supporters of Dr Mahathir’s pro-BN, anti-Najib stance, adopting the comfortable cotton men’s casual wear as part of a new political movement. “This new Dr M blue check protest […]

Vuvuzelas As Annoying As Government, Say Bersih 4 Protesters

KUALA LUMPUR:  Today Bersih 4 protesters admitted the ear splitting sound of vuvuzelas is as annoying as having Najib Tun Razak in office. “There are thousands here at Bersih4 sending one united message,” said a Bersih 2.0 organiser, “and that is, to stop blaring your fucking vuvuzelas right now!  Seriously, nobody can hear themselves think, […]

Economic Crisis Level Raised To ‘Form Committee’ Status

PUTRAJAYA:  With the ringgit hitting new lows and world stockmarkets in turmoil, the PM today upgraded the nation’s economic crisis level to code orange – ‘form committee’ status. “The PM told us to expect ‘uncertain and challenging times,’” said an economic spokesman, “we initially thought he was talking about keeping his job after 1MDB, but he […]

PM Sues Tony Pua For 1MDB Remarks, Demands RM42bil Damages

PUTRAJAYA: In another triumph for democracy, Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak is suing PJ Utara MP  Tony Pua and MediaRakyat portal owner Chan Chee Kong for defamation it was announced today. “The PM and cabinet are tired of these politically motivated attacks,” said a government spokesman, “surely just because the PM is Finance […]