PAS Calls For Melbourne Airport Alcohol Ban

PETALING JAYA:  Today PAS members called for a complete alcohol ban at all Australian airports after it was revealed the drunk mental patient who tried to ‘blow up’ flight MH128 was already intoxicated when he boarded the plane. “MH128 departed Melbourne airport at 11:11PM Wednesday night with the hijacking attempt concurring at 11:28PM, only minutes […]

Airport taxi tells MAS CEO he can’t take suitcase due to road turbulence

DAMANSARA:  Today a KLIA airport taxi collecting MAS CEO Chris Mueller from his home explained he could not take his suitcases because of an urgent need to save fuel.  The disappointed German expat had booked the airport taxi as he was on route to Paris for his holiday. “My taxi is quite old,” taxi driver […]

No check-in bags to Europe: Passengers help MAS save even more fuel by flying Etihad

KUALA LUMPUR:  Today Malaysian Airlines passengers destined for Europe helped the carrier save jet fuel by not only not-checking their own luggage, but also by putting themselves on other carriers. “These European headwinds are very serious,” said a MAS spokesman, “fortunately they stopped affecting our London flights once we remembered how profitable that route is.  […]

Wrong direction flight: Even Malaysian planes trying to migrate to Melbourne, laments TalentCorp

AUCKLAND:  Today a Malaysian Airlines flight reconsidered its future in Malaysia and decided to migrate to Melbourne instead.   The pilot noticed the unusual flight path taken by the Christmas day MH132 and was fortunately able to convince it to return to KL. “Times are tough in Malaysia,” said an aircraft expert, “this MH132 probably thought […]

MAS stops flying all routes to regain profitability

KLIA:  Today, Malaysia Airlines (MAS) announced it will cease flying to Paris, Amsterdam and all other destinations as part of a bold rationalisation exercise to restore it to profitability. “The national carrier needs to stop flying unprofitable routes,” said an airline spokesman, “so we’ve had to scrap all domestic and international destinations under our aggressive […]

Former MAS bosses admit staff retrenchments giving them sleepless nights on their money beds

MALAYSIA:  Today the MAS cronies and retired bosses that ran the struggling airline into the ground, confessed to moments of sleeplessness in their money beds, thinking about the soon to be laid off airline workers. “Life will be hard for these 6,000 retrenched employees,” said a retired MAS CEO, “they have families, cars and home […]