FMN TURNS 5! We share our best headlines. Also,why fake news sucks (but satire is good for you)

  FMN turns 5 next week so we’re taking a break from breaking news to look back at the nation’s most pointless website.  This article may be of interest to those curious to know what goes on behind the scenes and how our satire sausages are made. HOW FMN BEGAN In late May 2012, we […]

DPM and UAE Minister talk CRAP*

Submitted by FMN FLAE KL:  The Malaysian DPM greeted the arriving UAE CM for Ministry Chiefs, H.E Sheikhn Not Sturhd.  He is visiting today as part of the DGEP.  The DPM met H.E at KLIA and shared a limo destined for the MOFA complex, Wisma Putra to discuss strategy ahead of the October 2012 IAACA […]

Barisan Nasional Puppet Theatre may close this year

Submitted by: Arts Editor   SELANGOR:  Malaysia’s longest running puppet show the “Teater Politik Melayu” has been fleecing, entertaining and dividing audiences for over 50 years but lately the cast are falling out with local theatre goers and may finally shut down. “We’re doing all the things that used to make us popular but today’s […]

Nippon develops camera for Malaysian journalists

GEEKY TECHNOLOGY SUPPLEMENT Submitted by: Gadget and Gizmo Editor KUALA LUMPUR:  Yesterday Nippon Japan launched a new SLR-the professionals’ 32 megapixel BN3200D. Product manager Mr. Yasuo Tamagotchi introduced the new camera.  “The BN3200D has everything one would expect from Nippon; Compact light body, 70-300mm FX zoom lens, dual core internal image processor, 5 auto operation […]

PM drives taxi to boost tourism

Submitted by: Tourism Editor PUTRAJAYA:  Honeymooners from Tehran, Adib Mehrad and his new wife Giti Solati were shocked then delighted to find the driver of their taxi was none other than the Malaysian Prime Minister. Adib told FMN, “To be honest we weren’t so sure who it was driving, until he said his meter was […]

Sarawakian timber logging hits record high

Submitted by:  Green Editor SARAWAK: Environmentalists have demanded the government halt widespread destructive timber logging.   Malaysia has one of the highest rates of deforestation in the world, displacing indigenous Penan people and destroying fragile ecosystems. “We are just following orders,” said CEO of Hornbill Timber, Mr. Wee Chop Hia,  “The demand for wood now is […]

Elderly man enters Malaysian Book of Records

Submitted by: Malaysian Lifestyle Editor BUKIT BINTANG:  72 year old Mr Hock Ah Chak launched himself into the Malaysian book of Records after coughing up the largest amount of phlegm ever recorded.   Mr Hock started hoiking at Time Square Shopping Mall at 2.14pm and finished 4.42pm last Thursday afternoon. Several witnesses were on hand to […]

Riot police break up company picnic

Submitted by: Editor in Chief LAKE GARDENS: The M-Bank annual staff picnic day turned ugly on Saturday when police welding riot gas and water cannons turned on company employees. “We just saw all these yellow M-Bank company shirts and did what we were trained to do.  I guess we were kind of on auto pilot,” […]

JAWI reps attacked in bookshop

Submitted by: Saucy Literature Editor   SUBANG:  Bestselling fictional book, “50 shades of Grey” an erotic tale of a young journalist and her billionaire dominatrix boyfriend, has topped Malaysia’s best seller lists for weeks.  Representatives from the Home Ministry’s Federal Territory Islamic Affairs Department (JAWI) is considering a ban on the book for its steamy […]

Government study confirms voting opposition weakens families

Submitted by: Editor in Chief KUALA LUMPUR:  An UMNO spokesman commissioned a study into household voting habits in the previous 2 general elections in a bid to understand their chances at the polls expected later this year. “The outcome was very revealing,” he said,  “The study concludes opposition supporters typically live in households of just […]

UMNO Minister’s aircraft makes emergency landing

Submitted by: Editor in Chief DUBAI:  Minister for Building things that sometimes collapse, Tan Sri Nizam Bin Sharin and his entourage made an emergency landing in the United Arab Emirates (UAE) last night on route to Switzerland.  The pilot of the charter aircraft Boeing 707 experienced engine trouble over Oman and were forced to land, […]

Police: Extraterrestrials infiltrating opposition

Submitted by: Close Encounters Editor KUALA LUMPUR:  Assal Bin Dun, leader of the Malaysia Undercover Police Probing Extraterrestrial Things (MUPPET) squad, presented inquiry findings to Parliament this week. The report concluded that numerous DAP, PKR and PAS members had been consumed by body snatching slime aliens determined to overthrow the government.  The recent street protests […]

Workers demand fair wages

Submitted by: Industrial Relations Editor KUALA LUMPUR:  Malaysian workers across the country are celebrating the government’s promise that employees be treated fairly and equally.  FMN met with several supporters of the new policy; “All we want is the same working conditions across the board.   Why should one group of workers get paid more than we […]

The Devoted Malaysian Husbands Club

Submitted by: Family and Lifestyle Editor PETALING JAYA: A group of Malaysian men are fed up with local girls chasing rich mat sallehs and Nigerian Usher lookalikes.  In response they have formed their own club to get their women back into their kitchens and bedrooms. “We think we know how to make our women happy […]

Youth paid to volunteer

Submitted by: Young Hipster Editor KLCC PARK: In a bid to stop young people from rioting against his administration, the Prime Minister announced on Sunday the 14U24ME National Volunteer programme to a ‘media reported’ crowd of 2 million kids wearing free tee-shirts. The PM connected with the normally apathetic youthful crowd by finger painting graffiti […]

Fast food chain withdraws I❤PM Burger from Sale

Submitted by: Editor in Chief JALAN DUTA:  Today the high court heard complaints against restaurant chain MyBurger Bhd concerning a menu item aimed at wooing generation “Y” voters to support the Prime Minister. “The public is refusing to eat the I❤PM and tell us it’s in very bad taste.  We initiated damage control and ordered […]

Parachute Scandal: Corruption suspected

Submitted by: Army Corruption Watch Editor MALACCA: The Malaysian elite 10th Paratrooper Brigade has called into question the Army’s procurement department after defective parachutes have caused injury to members of the rapid deployment force. Maroon Beret Lieutenant Mohd Ali Rambo told FMN, “The chutes are huge with an unusual frilly design. Controlling descent is almost […]

Lost toddler reunited with father after missing for 4 hours

  Submitted by: Family and Lifestyle Editor KUALA LUMPUR: A 3-year-old boy was found this morning in Titiwangsa Park crying for his parents, yet when a man who claimed to be his father presented himself to police, the child could not identify him. Tense moments passed then a mobile rang.  Once the suspected father’s face […]

Voters hail ‘the reformer’

Submitted by: National Harmony Act compliant Editor PUTRAJAYA:  Confirming his credentials as a reformer, the Prime Minister today launched a comprehensive package of policies to ease the hardships of  [taxi drivers/longhouse dwellers/college students/civil servants/sun bears/poor people/sedition violators/the elderly/political detainees/, etc.] with benefits funded by Greek style turbo-deficit spending. The PM pledged that if he can’t […]

Panda Vigilante squad tackle street crime

Submitted by: Crime Buster Editor MALACCA: Minister for Information and Barisan Nasional ‘young gun’ since 1974, Datuk Seri Dr Rais Bowl yesterday unveiled his comprehensive plan to reduce the high crime rate plaguing the country. “The problem is, our police force is unable to cope with the sheer magnitude of patrolling all car parks and […]