Local Robots Say Jobs Under Threat From Low-Paid Foreign Robots
RM69.6mil Jackpot Winner Still Saying iPhone X Too Expensive

  PENANG: The winner of a RM69.6mil jackpot, the largest ever in Malaysia’s history has admitted he still can’t bring himself to purchase the iPhone X when it comes out later this year. “Who can justify spending over RM5,000 on a smartphone?” the 40-year-old millionaire said furiously, “For what? An OLED screen, face ID, wireless […]

Zairil’s ‘fake photo’ defence inspires thousands caught by speed cameras

KUALA LUMPUR:   Today the 10,000 plus motorists caught on speed camera by the Road Transport Department, agreed with Bukit Bendera MP Zairil Khir Johari’s argument that incriminating photos aren’t always genuine. “I can totally relate to the difficult position Zairil is in,” said KL motorist Abdullah Abu Bakar, “look at this summons I received today.  […]

PM’s New App Lets You Tell Him It Was A Waste Of Money

NATION: Today Malaysians learned there is an official Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak smartphone app which may be used to give the PM direct valuable feedback such as as how developing vanity apps to increase popularity are a waste of taxpayer money. “I have the Prime Minister all over billboards, newspapers, TV and social media,” […]

Malaysia Developing Driverless Car Capable Of Tailgating, Using Emergency Lanes

CYBERJAYA:   Today local technology startup Hia Today Bhd announced its new autonomous driver upgrade was intelligent enough to change lanes without indicating, run red lights, tailgate on freeways, and take advantage of empty emergency lanes in traffic jams. “The No-Gai Model S utilises a patented Artificial Intelligence (AI) technology which allows the self driving car […]

Malaysia Mulls Banning Apps That Encourage Illegal Assembly

MALAYSIA: In the wake of the failed coup in Turkey, the Home Ministry said today it is mulling a ban on smartphone games that encourage people to assemble in groups without obtaining police permission.     “The government is aware of hundreds and even thousands of Pokemon Go players assembling in countries that allow such […]

Proton Launches Clean Energy Vehicle That Runs On Govt Soft Loans

KUALA LUMPUR:  National car maker Proton launched the new Proton Sloth today in an effort to regain market share lost to local and foreign competitors. “The Proton Sloth is a clean energy vehicle that runs 100% on taxpayer-funded, government soft loans,” said product manager Harith Bin Bakar,  “the cars wont use petrol, as the engine-free […]

Galaxy S7 owner impressed it took longer to drown phone than he thought

PETALING JAYA:  Proud Samsung Galaxy S7 Edge owner Kevin Yu, rushed home from the KLCC product launch this morning, eager to preform his own in house testing on his new Korean gadget.  He was delighted to discover the water resistant handphone took longer for him to drown than he expected. “The Galaxy S7 Edge was […]

Facebook Introduces Unique Reaction Buttons For Malaysian Netizens

MALAYSIA:  Today Facebook released a series of fun reaction buttons for Malaysian netizens. “Facebook recognises Malaysians need to express their unique feelings and frustrations about life and the state of the nation,” said FB country manager Yu So Tan, “in addition to ‘Like’, ‘Love’ and ‘Haha’, we have introduced Malaysian only buttons, ‘Bodoh’ for political […]

Gravitational Waves Detected As Govt’s 1MDB/Donation Explanations Collapse Space, Time & Logic

WASHINGTON:  Today physicists at Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatory (Ligo) announced they have detected gravitational waves caused by the collision of two black holes. “These gravitational waves confirm Einstein’s theories,” said Ligo spokesperson, Kip Knightly, “what we are seeing is the Malaysian government’s explanations about the PM’s donation and 1MDB have formed two dense black holes from […]

UMNO Cybertroopers Complain Facebook Unlike Button Doubles Workload

MALAYSIA: Today UMNO cybertroopers spoke out against the announcement Facebook will soon introduce an unlike button. “I’m busy enough liking and sharing pro-UMNO posts,” said an enraged keyboard warrior, “now I have to unlike opposition propaganda too? This is a 100% increase in my workload and it better be reflected in my salary!” “Facebook will […]

World First! Indonesian IT researchers upload Malaysia into the cloud

MALAYSIA:  In a display of technological brilliance, Sumatra based IT start-up, Indo Telekomunikhazi uploaded neighboring Malaysia into the cloud this week. Company director, Volt Megawatti told FMN, “Before today, it was a nightmare to keep life’s devious devices in sync, but now all Malaysians can breathe a sigh of smoke filled relief!” “Perhaps this is […]

Nation Protected From Sarawak Report Lies For The Seconds It Takes To Find A VPN Workaround

PUTRAJAYA:  Last night, the Malaysian Communications and Multimedia Communications Commission (MCMC) requested Internet providers block whistleblower website The Sarawak Report safeguarding the nation from its lies for the valuable seconds it takes to find ways around it. “It’s hard enough keeping up with the lies and counter lies about 1MDB,” said a Malaysian, “now I […]

Malaysian’s online Caucasian boyfriend turns out to be Caucasian

AMPANG:   A 42-year-old Malaysian woman was shocked to discover the Caucasian boyfriend she met on the internet, turned out to really be Caucasian. “Walter said on Facebook he was a lonely civil engineer from Manchester who wanted to move here,” she said. “When he said his iPhone camera and laptop weren’t working, I knew we […]

Internet Firewall To Stop Malaysian Teens Looking At Porn For Seconds Until They Find Proxy Servers

PUTRAJAYA:  Today the Malaysian Communications and Multimedia Communications Commission (MCMC) requested Internet providers block access to hardcore porn websites safeguarding the nation’s youth for the valuable seconds it will take them to find ways around it. “The government is confident it can win this battle against the hormones of the nation’s horny youth,” said an […]

Tun Mahathir Kicked Out Of UMNO Whatsapp Chat Group

KUALA LUMPUR; In a move that has shocked party members across the country, former PM Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad was removed from the UMNO senior leader whatsapp group chat last night. “The Prime Minister didn’t mince words yesterday in Alor Star,” said a party spokesman, “this 1Malaysia government will not allow these “jemuan-jemuan” (bad characters) and […]

Arm Selfie Stick Trend Sweeps Nation

MALAYSIA:  Local hipsters have moved away from using regular aluminum selfie sticks in favour of a revolutionary organic extremity alternative, it was revealed today. “I love my selfie stick but sometimes I find I’m unable to take pictures of myself when I leave it in my car,” said 24 year old Nur binti Abdullah.  “using […]

New Smartphone App Reveals Who Around You Accepts Bribes

Submitted by Phone Based Business Facilitation Editor, CYBERJAYA: “Find the perfect autocrat to profit in Malaysia” reads the byline for an ingenious new smartphone proximity app launched today. MyKroni CEO Deepak Sekhar addressed the gathered press, “for years now, business people have been wasting time lobbying inconsequential public servants and getting nowhere.  Similarly if you’re […]

Malaysian proposes with 99 Galaxy Note4s, she dumps him for guy with bigger stylus

  Submitted by Cellphone Based Lifetime Partner Editor, MALACCA:  Today a love-struck man proposed to his girlfriend by using the tried and true way to win a girls heart – spending RM280,000 on 99 smartphones. “I wanted to make a big impression, so i went with 99 Samsung Galaxy Note 4s instead of 99 IPhones, […]

Singaporeans buy up iPhone 6 stocks then immediately move into queue for iPhone 7

Submitted by Kiasu Gadget Upgrade Editor, ORCHARD ROAD:  Hours after the last iPhone 6 units were snapped up by eager Singaporean Apple fans, a new line for the yet to be announced iPhone 7 formed over the weekend. “I thought people were littering in front of Apple resellers,” said a bystander,  “then I realised these […]