FMN is shutting down, Here’s where we will be going

ANNOUNCEMENT: In 2012 satirists like Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert called their parody Comedy Central news shows “fake news,” so when we set up this stupid website, ‘Fake Malaysia News’ seemed like a pretty good name. We thought it was kind of cool that unlike The Onion or the Daily Mash we openly used the […]

Nestle To Make Milo Healthier By Adding More Athletic Pictures Per Average Serving

KUALA LUMPUR: Today Milo maker Nestle responded to online critics suggesting sweet chocolate powder might be bad for you by vowing to increase the number of sportspeople printed on an average packet serving. “Currently Malaysians are getting the health benefits of only one soccer player, gymnast or footballer picture per Milo can or packet.  Nestle […]

GE14 Will Be Fair, Anonymous Donor Confirms

JEDDAH: At a virtual press conference yesterday, the mysterious anonymous brotherly Saudi donor who was instrumental in Prime Minister Najib Razak’s GE13 victory by generously sending USD681 million to finance Barisan Nasional’s ‘election machinery’ agreed with the PM’s recent claim of no cheating in GE14. “Many will accuse the Malaysian government of cheating, but this […]

Visit Malaysia Logo Will Torment Artists Until They Design Better One For Free, Ministry Says

PUTRAJAYA: Weighing in on the outrage sparked by the recently unveiled Visit Malaysia 2020 logo, Tourism Ministry officials today admitted it was part of an ingenious plan to save money. “Malaysians recall the cash-strapped Tourism Ministry introduced an unpopular tourism tax last year,” explained Tourism Malaysia spokesman, Abdullah bin Bakar, “this logo design is yet […]

God Sends Flood To Punish #UndiRosak Movement

KLANG VALLEY:  Religious experts on both sides of the political divide have confirmed this evening’s torrential rain and flooding is actually a sign from God that the #UndiRosak (spoilt vote) campaign is harmful to the democratic process. “The whole nation is struggling to come up with an analogy to get these disillusioned #UndiRosak supporters to […]

EC Celebrates Redelineation Exercise With Commemorative Pizza

KUALA LUMPUR:  Malaysia’s Election Commission (EC) in partnership with several fast-food chains released a special commemorative pizza today celebrating the almost-completed, completely fair and equitable, GE14 Selangor redelineation exercise. “The Selangor GE14 pizza is topped with delicious chicken sausage and chili distributed between carefully designated boundaries,” an EC spokesman explained assuring voters the pizza in […]

KL Malls To Outnumber Shoppers by 2040

KLANG VALLEY: Jubilant Property Developers have confirmed at the current pace of retail construction by 2040, each KL resident will have their own private shopping mall to visit. “It’s an exciting time in the retail sector as mall traffic dwindles while the number of new malls opening increases each year,” explained Hia Today Developments Bhd. […]

PM’s Erection Bigger Than Tun’s

KUALA LUMPUR: Local skyline endowment analysts confirmed today the Prime Minister’s new erection is officially bigger than his predecessor Tun Mahathir’s “The Exchange 106 located at the Tun Razak Exchange (TRX) was originally going to be only 92 stories high until the Indonesian contractors building it partnered with an Indo generic drug maker who added […]

Yemenis Dodging Saudi Airstrikes Laud PM’s Palestine Rally

SAAD PROVINCE: Today Yemeni Muslims caught in the crossfire proxy war between suspected Iran-backed Houthi rebels and the Saudi-backed Yemeni government took time out from the conflict to laud Malaysian political parties Umno and PAS for their commitment to upholding the rights of all suffering Muslims at their Jerusalem rally today in Putrajaya. “Thank God […]

Azwan Ali To Star In New TV3 Sitcom ‘How I Screwed My Brother’

KUALA LUMPUR:  The entertainment industry was buzzing with excitement this evening after show business rumours hinted TV celebrity, Azwan Ali will soon be starring in his own TV3 sitcom. “Many of us had dismissed Azwan as a talentless girly man, but there’s something about his attention-seeking UMNO supporting reality TV performances lately that really caught […]

Tony Fernandes Bachelorhood Departs On Schedule

  COTE D’AZUR: The bachelorhood of AirAsia boss Tan Sri Tony Fernandes departed on time today in a touching ceremony. “Guests were admitted to the quiet celebration in order of their seating rows and after a quick safety briefing, Tony’s bachelorhood took off without any problems,” said one eyewitness. The newlyweds were reportedly very satisfied […]

Strong Robust Economy Will Completely Collapse If Criticised

KUALA LUMPUR: Economic experts agreeing with Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Datuk Seri Abdul Rahman Dahlan confirmed even though the rock-solid Malaysian Economy is robust and built on sound fundamentals, it could totally collapse if criticised by irresponsible media outlets like the Malaysian Insight and Edge Weekly. “The Malaysian economy is like a turtle. […]

Fears Muslim-Only Laundries Spark Non-Muslim Beeromats

JOHOR:  Today religious authorities slammed a local Muslim only self-service laundromat warning if Malaysians were segregated along washing lines, there could be serious implications. “The sentiments between races in Malaysia is very (gentle spin for your) delicates,” explained front-loader tolerance analyst, Dr. Abdullah Bin Bakar, “If (permanent) pressed, Muslims could fall for this divisive spin […]

Immigration Officials Install Checkpoint Gay Scanners

BALIK PULAU:  Immigration authorities are on high alert this week after news broke of an illegal gay party scheduled for later this week. “We are using high-tech Gaydar screening devices at all Malaysian entry points to intercept homosexuals before they can enter the country,” an Immigration Dept spokesman explained, “Airports have upgraded existing facial recognition […]

Realistic Male Sex Robot Rolls Over And Goes To Sleep After 2 Minutes

BUTTERWORTH: Local tech startup Hia Today Bhd, unveiled Malaysia’s entry into the burgeoning love doll industry today with the release of a hyper-realistic male sex robot designed to make its users feel the pleasures of having a man in their lives. “The him-bot X300 or ‘Stephen’ as we like to call him, is based on […]

Citizen Liow Slams MCA Beer Fest Backdown

PETALING JAYA:   Today enraged YouTube celebrity ‘Citizen Liow’ slammed MCA politicians for not doing enough to defend his rights following the cancellation of the 2017 Better Beer Festival. “Weeks ago some politician came into my house and after helping himself to coffee told me to believe in Malaysia,” ranted ‘Citizen Liow’ hurling his trademark White […]

Retiring IGP Receives Congratulatory Calls From Well Wishers And Protection Racket Suspects

  KUALA LUMPUR: After announcing his retirement, sources close to Tan Sri Khalid Abu Bakar reported the outgoing Inspector-General of Police was touched by the many family friends who may, or may not be, protection racket suspects who took the time to call and personally wish him ‘all the best’ this morning. “Khalid is a […]

Royal Commission Inquiry Into Flag Blunder Only If Dr M Has CorelDRAW

  PUTRAJAYA: Sources today confirmed the government has not ruled out forming a pre-election Royal Commission of Inquiry (RCI) to investigate the error in printing the Indonesian flag upside down in the 29th SEA Games souvenir book if Dr. Mahathir has a registered copy of Coreldraw it was revealed today. “The police are keen to […]

MRT Destruction On Track For 2020 Say Vandals

  KUALA LUMPUR: Today the nation’s public transport vandals said the destruction of the modern, Mass Rapid Transit Corporation (MRT) Sungai Buloh-Kajang Line was well underway and will be completed on schedule and within budget, thanks to their commitment to best demolition practices. “We have our best vandals working the MRT night and day,” explained […]

Youths Protected From Despacito For The Seconds It Takes To Find On YouTube

    PUTRAJAYA:   Last night, Radio Televisyen Malaysia (RTM) ceased all broadcasts of the global smash hit song, Despacito on national TV and radio stations protecting the nation’s youth from its sexually charged themes for the valuable seconds it takes someone to find it on YouTube. “Once the old radio in the kitchen my […]