FMN TURNS 5! We share our best headlines. Also,why fake news sucks (but satire is good for you)

  FMN turns 5 next week so we’re taking a break from breaking news to look back at the nation’s most pointless website.  This article may be of interest to those curious to know what goes on behind the scenes and how our satire sausages are made. HOW FMN BEGAN In late May 2012, we […]

UUM lecturer reads Harry Potter, quits job to teach at Hogwarts

PETALING JAYA:  Still reeling after being tested by the Christian Bible stories in Selangor assembly speaker Hannah Yeoh’s book, today lecturer Kamarul Zaman Yusoff  found himself under the influence of J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. “Kamarul found like with Hannah Yeoh’s book, Harry Potter contained so many suggestible paragraphs, he started to […]

Scientists discover 11,000y/o Perak Man kept younger mistress in Penang

KELAPA BATAS:  After the exciting recent discovery of a Neolithic female skeleton in Guar Kepah, local archeologists believe they have uncovered the famous Perak Man’s secret mistress he’d been keeping in Penang. “Many archeologists at the Perak Man dig suspected he might have a mistress seeing the skeleton seems to have died with a smile […]

Muhyiddin Likely The Next PM To Disappoint Me, Says Dr M

LONDON:  Today, Tun Dr Mahathir Mohammad confirmed Parti Pribumi Bersatu Malaysia president Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin would be his next choice of Prime Minister to ultimately fail to impress him. “Some may think I’m old and senile,” he told reporters, “but I  can still hand-pick a new national leader who will ultimately not live up […]

Strawberry Haze On The Way Following Sumatra Vape Juice Drop

NATION:  Malaysian and Indonesian owned palm oil producers today announced thanks to a strategic partnership with a local vape juice manufacturer, the country can look forward to breathing a creamier, strawberry-tinged haze cloud this season. “I think we can all agree there isn’t any political will to stop annual haze burning, so why not add a […]

Sarawak Governor Impressed His RM1.5mil Birthday Bentley Can Do 5km/hr On State Roads

KUCHING: Today Sarawak governor Taib Mahmud said he was delighted with the RM1.5 million birthday present given to him by 36-year-old wife, Ragad Waleed Alkurdi Taib. “The Governor loves his new Continental GT V8 S convertible,” said a cabinet source, “since bringing it home, he’s kept it parked among his top 20 vintage vehicles to […]

Malaysian Student Says $4.6mil Found In Her Account A Gift For Fighting Isis

SYDNEY:  Today a Malaysian student apprehended while trying to board a flight to KL told authorities she thought the $4.6million mistakenly credited into her personal account was her reward for fighting Isis. “I flamed Isis several times on FB and Twitter,” said 21-year-old Christine Jiaxin Lee, “I then assumed some generous Saudi royal gave the […]

Sirul says 827,000 barred from traveling must have done something serious

SYDNEY: Former police bodyguard murderer, Sirul Azhar Umar today praised a home ministry statement that 827,000 Malaysians were currently barred from leaving the country. “Malaysians with outstanding issues shouldn’t be allowed to travel,” said the Villawood Detention resident. “If a convicted murderer can travel to Australia without being on an immigration blacklist,  you know these […]

Remove 100 Chinese boats from our waters or we will be forced to politely ask again, Malaysia warns

PUTRAJAYA:  Today, Malaysia warned Beijing if they don’t remove all 100 trespassing Chinese boats currently in Malaysian territorial waters, the government will have no choice but to nicely ask again “It seems strange China uses patrol boats to guard its own coastline from 2000km away,” said a border security spokesman, “but who are we to […]

Tun Mahathir Kicked Out Of UMNO Whatsapp Chat Group

KUALA LUMPUR; In a move that has shocked party members across the country, former PM Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad was removed from the UMNO senior leader whatsapp group chat last night. “The Prime Minister didn’t mince words yesterday in Alor Star,” said a party spokesman, “this 1Malaysia government will not allow these “jemuan-jemuan” (bad characters) and […]

Nigerian Prince Offers To Bailout 1MDB

PUTRAJAYA:  Today Finance Ministry officials were pleased to announce that the debt laden 1MDB wealth fund won’t be requiring anymore standby credit, ‘hairdresser’ inflows, political machinery payments or bailouts. “We received an opportune letter from someone representing Nigerian Prince Sir Goodbye Goodluck,” said a Finance Ministry Spokesman, “His Highness is burdened with an unwanted 5 […]