Author: Editor

FMN is shutting down, Here’s where we will be going

ANNOUNCEMENT: In 2012 satirists like Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert called their parody Comedy Central news shows “fake news,” so when we set up this stupid website, ‘Fake Malaysia News’ seemed like a pretty good name. We thought it was kind of cool that unlike The Onion or the Daily Mash we openly used the […]

Nestle To Make Milo Healthier By Adding More Athletic Pictures Per Average Serving

KUALA LUMPUR: Today Milo maker Nestle responded to online critics suggesting sweet chocolate powder might be bad for you by vowing to increase the number of sportspeople printed on an average packet serving. “Currently Malaysians are getting the health benefits of only one soccer player, gymnast or footballer picture per Milo can or packet.  Nestle […]

GE14 Will Be Fair, Anonymous Donor Confirms

JEDDAH: At a virtual press conference yesterday, the mysterious anonymous brotherly Saudi donor who was instrumental in Prime Minister Najib Razak’s GE13 victory by generously sending USD681 million to finance Barisan Nasional’s ‘election machinery’ agreed with the PM’s recent claim of no cheating in GE14. “Many will accuse the Malaysian government of cheating, but this […]

Visit Malaysia Logo Will Torment Artists Until They Design Better One For Free, Ministry Says

PUTRAJAYA: Weighing in on the outrage sparked by the recently unveiled Visit Malaysia 2020 logo, Tourism Ministry officials today admitted it was part of an ingenious plan to save money. “Malaysians recall the cash-strapped Tourism Ministry introduced an unpopular tourism tax last year,” explained Tourism Malaysia spokesman, Abdullah bin Bakar, “this logo design is yet […]

God Sends Flood To Punish #UndiRosak Movement

KLANG VALLEY:  Religious experts on both sides of the political divide have confirmed this evening’s torrential rain and flooding is actually a sign from God that the #UndiRosak (spoilt vote) campaign is harmful to the democratic process. “The whole nation is struggling to come up with an analogy to get these disillusioned #UndiRosak supporters to […]

Heroes Sell Nasi Lemak Due To Shortage Of Villain Opportunities

MALAYSIA – Today the government reminded Malaysians not to look down on qualified superheroes who despite their considerable powers sold nasi lemak by the roadside. “There’s no shame in costumed individuals driving Grabcars or selling nasi lemak.  The nation is producing more and more qualified heroes yet there are only so many supervillain battle positions […]

EC Celebrates Redelineation Exercise With Commemorative Pizza

KUALA LUMPUR:  Malaysia’s Election Commission (EC) in partnership with several fast-food chains released a special commemorative pizza today celebrating the almost-completed, completely fair and equitable, GE14 Selangor redelineation exercise. “The Selangor GE14 pizza is topped with delicious chicken sausage and chili distributed between carefully designated boundaries,” an EC spokesman explained assuring voters the pizza in […]

Cold Weather Causes Peninsula Shrinkage

MALAYSIA: MetMalaysia called for calm today as concerned motorists using the North-South Highway have reported reaching their destinations earlier than expected. “I thought Waze was playing up but I reached Johor after leaving KL just two hours ago,” said one driver, “my odometer says the journey was 270KM but I remember it being further than […]

KL Malls To Outnumber Shoppers by 2040

KLANG VALLEY: Jubilant Property Developers have confirmed at the current pace of retail construction by 2040, each KL resident will have their own private shopping mall to visit. “It’s an exciting time in the retail sector as mall traffic dwindles while the number of new malls opening increases each year,” explained Hia Today Developments Bhd. […]

Anwar Visited By Long-Lost Uncle Khathir

KUALA LUMPUR: Touching scenes at Hospital Kuala Lumpur this afternoon as jailed defacto PKR leader, Anwar Ibrahim still recuperating from surgery was paid a surprise visit by his long-lost 92-year old Uncle Khathir. “We have a strict policy of only permitting close family or senior Barisan Ministers to visit convicts like Anwar,” a prison official […]

Malaysians not voting say they’re waiting for the one

  NATION: Today Malaysians unwilling to accept the harsh reality of having to choose the least horrible Prime Minister from two unpalatable choices said they will be sitting out GE14 while they wait for Mr Right. “Some say politics is about compromise, but I refuse to settle for second best,” said a 21-year-old eligible Malaysian […]

Revenge A Dish Best Served Old

KUALA LUMPUR: Days after he was unanimously chosen to lead the opposition into the 14th general election, many opposition supporters are still struggling to accept the best interim Prime Ministerial candidate to bring about essential democratic reforms is a 92-year-old former self-confessed, ‘benevolent dictator.’ “It’s not uncommon for politicians to defer retirement if they’re comfortably […]

Opposition Launches Maafcoin Cryptocurrency

NATION: In what is being hailed as a world first, Pakatan Harapan blockchain experts announced trading in their new apology-based cryptocurrency today. “The Maafcoin came about when it was revealed Dr Mahathir’s allies and enemies had a strong desire to trade in the former Prime Minister’s recent apology,” a Part Pribumi Bersatu Malaysia (Pribumi) spokesman […]

PM Not Responsible for Felda Land Cockup But Blame For BNM Forex Losses Go All The Way To The Top

PUTRAJAYA: Exhaustive investigations into Felda land scandal and Bank Negara Malaysia forex losses have exposed a dramatic shift in the way the nation was governed in the 80’s compared with the current administration, it was revealed today. “Malaysians can all agree when it comes to Felda, the PM is not at all responsible for the […]

PM’s Erection Bigger Than Tun’s

KUALA LUMPUR: Local skyline endowment analysts confirmed today the Prime Minister’s new erection is officially bigger than his predecessor Tun Mahathir’s “The Exchange 106 located at the Tun Razak Exchange (TRX) was originally going to be only 92 stories high until the Indonesian contractors building it partnered with an Indo generic drug maker who added […]

Yemenis Dodging Saudi Airstrikes Laud PM’s Palestine Rally

SAAD PROVINCE: Today Yemeni Muslims caught in the crossfire proxy war between suspected Iran-backed Houthi rebels and the Saudi-backed Yemeni government took time out from the conflict to laud Malaysian political parties Umno and PAS for their commitment to upholding the rights of all suffering Muslims at their Jerusalem rally today in Putrajaya. “Thank God […]

New KLIA2 Passenger Charge Only 4 Sen Per Step

KLIA2:  Malaysia Aviation Commission (Mavcom) officials confirmed today they have finally resolved their ongoing dispute with low-cost airline operators objecting to attempts to increase the KLIA2 passenger service charge. “I think we can all agree KLIA2 isn’t a budget terminal, one only has to walk its endless premium corridors to know you’re somewhere special!  This […]

AirAsia Introduces Stewardess Uniform Arousal Class

SEPANG: Today world-class budget airline AirAsia Berhard announced a new travel class option in response to recent parliamentary debates about flight crew uniforms. “Our new ‘Arousal Class’ is aimed at travelers who like Senator Datuk Megat Zulkarnain Omardin find AirAsia stewardess uniforms make their ‘cabin members’ cruise at higher altitudes than their wives would like,” […]

Azwan Ali To Star In New TV3 Sitcom ‘How I Screwed My Brother’

KUALA LUMPUR:  The entertainment industry was buzzing with excitement this evening after show business rumours hinted TV celebrity, Azwan Ali will soon be starring in his own TV3 sitcom. “Many of us had dismissed Azwan as a talentless girly man, but there’s something about his attention-seeking UMNO supporting reality TV performances lately that really caught […]

Local Robots Say Jobs Under Threat From Low-Paid Foreign Robots