Taiwan accuses Malaysia of stockpiling pearls, having Chatime bubble tea replacement programme

TAIPEI:  Today Taiwan beverage security officials accused Malaysia of having a secret Chatime bubble tea replacement programme.

“It appears our disgruntled Malaysian franchisee Loob Holdings isn’t taking their termination lying down,” said Taiwan bubble tea enforcement minister Kao Ying-tai, “our intelligence suggests Malaysia is stockpiling high-grade sweet pearls as part of a programme to attack Taiwan with their own version of Chatime-grade pearl milk tea.”

“Sadly, this is the start of a new cold (tea) war between Taiwan and Malaysia.  New Taiwan-backed Chatime outlets will have to be trained to handle a full frontal assault from the 164 renamed Loob establishments selling chunky sweet drinks.”


“The first Malaysian bubble tea test launch takes place in 45 days to coincide with the end of the previous Chatime Taiwan agreement.  We have to expect the Malaysians will come at us with all the pearls, jellies and red beans they’ve got!”


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