Jakim Confirms McDonalds Eaters Go To Heaven – Doctors Warn It May Happen Sooner Than You Think

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KUALA LUMPUR:  Today the Department of Islamic Development Malaysia (Jakim) assured concerned Muslims they will still go to heaven eating McDonalds, with health experts saying eating enough high-cholesterol Big Macs and Quarter Pounders could get you there sooner rather than later.

“McDonalds is a valid halal certificate owner,”confirmed a Jakim spokesman, “despite social media rumours, it is 100% halal!”

“Everything on a McDonalds menu will get you to heaven eventually,”agreed a Doctor specialising in heart health, “how quickly you go depends on how much fatty fast food you eat, and how much exercise you avoid!”

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