1MDB borrows from Ah Longs to pay back Deutsche Bank

New CEO Arul Kanda publicly confirmed 1MDB is a "sensible borrower" once his signing on bonus cheque cleared.
New CEO Arul Kanda publicly confirmed 1MDB is financially sound, once his signing on bonus cheque cleared.

KUALA LUMPUR:  In a bold move to rescue 1 Malaysia Development Bhd (1MDB) from German bankers, the troubled wealth fund’s CEO today announced plans to restructure RM3.6 billion in outstanding loans using ah long financing.

“I received this text message on my handphone,” said the 38-year-old investment banker, “it said borrowers with horrible credit histories could get business loans!  4% monthly interest is a small price to pay to ensure the stability of the nation’s strategic investment vehicle!”

1MDB executives have wisely standardised on red sports cars making ah long infamous paint splatter less noticeable
1MDB executives have wisely standardised on red sports cars making infamous ah long paint splatter attacks less noticeable

 

“This ah long financing is a bridging loan to help service our RM41.9 billion total debt load. It should hopefully tide us over until somebody finally explains to me what this government supported, nation enriching, Cayman Island money hiding, wealth fund actually does!”

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