We are thrilled to hear Sci-Fi Director Neil Blomkamp is making an Aliens sequel (though seriously how much can poor Ellen Ripley go through with these chest bursting things in one lifetime.)
In case anyone from Hollywood is listening, we thought we better list some movie sequels we would rather NOT see under any circumstances.
1. Back to the Future 4 : It’s 2015. Dude where’s my flying car?
THE PLOT Middle aged Marty McFly still suffering radiation poisoning from previous failed Doc Brown science experiments wakes up to find that in 2015 there are no hover boards, drying jackets and flying cars! Marty is pissed. Can he somehow get a message to Doc in the past to find out where we went wrong? Can our heroes get human progress back on track?
2. Apocalypse Now 2: Back down the River.
THE PLOT Army Captain Benjamin Willard has killed Colonel Kurtz, becoming as twisted as the man he has murdered. Kurtzs’ natives worship him as king, but he has had enough of the jungle and jumps back in his boat with survivor Lance for a scenic river ride back to Saigon then the US for some serious rehab.
3. Titanic 2 : Jacks back baby!
THE PLOT In 1999, arctic climate change researchers find a man frozen in the ice. Global warming has almost thawed him out but by some miracle, they revive a young Titanic passenger who has been in a suspended state since 1912. As a tribute to his beloved recently deceased elderly Rose, young defrosted Jack puts himself through college, becoming a luxury ocean liner engineer, and designs the totally unsinkable Titanic 2. Its maiden voyage will be the exact same icy route as it’s predecessor. As he meets Violet the attractive yet rebellious daughter of a wealthy aristocrat on deck, he wonders what could possibly go wrong THIS time?
4. The Shawshank Redemption 2
THE PLOT Andy Dufresne and Ellis Redding (Red), have built up their boating business in Mexico and are keen to put their prison life behind them. When their young attractive wives go missing and are presumed dead, the long-time buddies find themselves back in jail again. There isn’t anything suspicious about a 50 year old man with a rock hammer wanting Red to get him a Niki Minaj poster on his prison cell wall is there?
5. Dumb and Dumber 2 (To)
THE PLOT OOPS! This was on our list and then we find out some well connected 1MDB linked Malaysian playboy went ahead and bank rolled this turkey. Nice job Jho Low. We’re sure Paris Hilton loved it!
6. Sixth Sense 2
THE PLOT Cole Sear played by Haley Joel Osment has spent his young life accepting his gift of being able to communicate with lost souls. But will he and the ghost of Bruce Willis be able to face the truth that though they are walking around, their acting and movie careers are dead?
7. Matrix 4 : Mobile Blue Pill
THE PLOT After Neo bravely sacrificed himself to defeat Agent Smith, the Matrix reboots into a real world where its inhabitants are controlled by machines inhabiting tiny pocket devices. These ’smart’ devices are so stupidly addictive people can’t even eat their lunches without smashing up cyber candy with little lollypop hammers or flinging birds at pigs.
Will Neo come back from the dead to save us from our mobile addiction? (Ironically the directors cut will be only available for download onto your iPhone, Android or Windows Phone devices).
8. When Harry Met Sally 2
THE PLOT While driving home from a romantic dinner date, Harry and Sally are involved in a serious but fortunately non-fatal driving accident. Suffering from Amnesia, the married couple meet as ‘strangers’ in a post traumatic stress recovery ward. Can they just be buddies this time, or will their friendship develop into something more?
9. Groundhog Day 2 : Stuck in Time Again.
THE PLOT Years after the events of Groundhog Day 1 Phil Myers finds himself waking up every day at the same time to have a rushed breakfast with his wife Rita, and kids Jenny and Ben, before dropping them at school, then his lousy dead-end job as a meteorologist, before driving in bad traffic home for dinner, TV and bed. Moments before jumping off a bridge he wonders has the ‘trapped in time’ curse returned? or is this just his life now as a parent?
10. Gladiator 2: The Vengence of Maximus Ballius
THE PLOT Maximus has left this world to rejoin his murdered family. But even Maximus was never aware that on a wild night out in Rome he fathered a boy, Ballius to a mistress. Young ‘Maximus Ballius’ as he likes to be called, (upon learning of his heritage) grows up as a splitting image of his father (also played by Russel Crowe,) and is thrown out of the Roman army and vows revenge. The angry young man joins a traveling gladiator troupe and plans to topple the emperor with the memorable quote “I am Maximus Ballius. Are you not entertained again?”