MALAYSIA: Youths eligible for National Service today expressed their disappointment after mandatory service was scrapped by the PM’s ‘this is not a crisis’ austerity budget.
“I worked so hard to get my body into shape for NS,” said one candidate, “Now I discover the all-cheese and syrap diet and the injuries I was feigning to fail my medical were for nothing!”
“National service was an opportunity to bring Malaysians of all races together,” said a young woman, “and there’s no doubt I would have made friends with any Malaysian who could tell me how to be exempted from a 3-month torture program where people have been murdered, injured and poisoned!”
“I enrolled myself in a stupid IT course to avoid NS! I hate IT, but it’s still better than playing kindergarten games in blue zebra costumes. Now with NS scrapped I’m here studying when I could be working! At least I didn’t try the other method to avoid NS which is getting pregnant!”
A 18 year-old youth told reporters, “It’s very demoralising to see the government give up on National Service just because it’s terrible. With that bad attitude they may as well scrap most government initiatives! Without NS I’ve been cheated of my chance to be all the man I could be to avoid going!”