Utusan wakes up from coma after 47 years. Decides to only publish real news.

Utusan

 

Submitted by Fictional News Retraction Editor,

KUALA LUMPUR:  Journalists from government-owned Utusan newspaper awoke collectively from a real news media coma over the weekend.  The UMNO mouthpiece recently quoted an online news story called Catholic Priest Wakes Up From Coma After 17 Months, Converts To Islam.  Red-faced journalist Awang Selamat, confessed he had neglected to check the  “About US” section of the World News Daily Report which would have revealed it was a Zionist satire site.

“Yes we have a specific racial and religious narrative,” said a Utusan contributor,”but we have always found our jobs a lot easier to do if we bend the facts when they don’t conform to the message the government bailed us out to send.  That’s the end of that now though.  From here on, we will only report facts.  True facts, or at least facts that should be true if only people knew what’s good for them!”

“Who are these perverts who write these fake news stories anyway?  Don’t they have anything better to do?”

An FMN reporter in attendance had no comment.

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