Submitted by ‘Arrests to Continue until Morale Improves’ Editor,
MALAYSIA: Malaysians put aside their differences and celebrated Merdeka as one over the weekend. Many were moved by heartwarming parade scenes of army commandos and military tanks.
“This is the first time we used North Koreans as unity parade consultants,” said a Merdeka organiser, ‘and our own Malaysian ‘Dear Leader’ was thoroughly impressed by our Military force on display! This parade shows our fierce commitment to use whatever destructive force necessary to ensure national peace and harmony!”
“It’s hard to watch this march and not get a little sentimental,” said a spectator watching the procession, “I haven’t seen this many riot police in KL since the 2011 Bersih 2.0 rally! Now those were fun times!”
Embracing the spirit of unity, Malaysians rushed to help out those in need. “We couldn’t stand by and let these poor Penang Voluntary Patrol (PPS) members march around in the hot Georgetown sun on Saturday,” said a police spokesman, “so we brought them all inside the station where it was cooler, for a little friendly questioning. It’s the least we can do on our national day!”
“We like the PPS, it’s a shame a few bad apples have forced us to shut them down,” said Georgetown OCPD Lieutenant Ali Bakar, “luckily, we don’t hold the police or government to the same standard or we would be in big trouble!” he joked.
“Malaysia really is like one big family,” said an inspired Malaysian watching Merdeka commercials, “and like all families, there are those in the family that always seem to get in trouble with the law. We find it easier if we don’t talk about them so much!”