Submitted by Racially Profiled Cooking Editor,
GEORGETOWN: Penang McDonalds restaurants released a statement today, saying it would no longer allow Malaysians to cook burgers in its restaurants to protect the cultural authenticity of its American cuisine.
“We will be sending covert fast food kitchen inspectors to ensure nobody from Asia cooks Big Macs,” said a McDonalds spokesman, “We cant risk foreigners messing with our food. Better to ship over frozen American cooks from Idaho in zip lock bags instead. What is it with all these little cili sos packets? If ketchup is good enough for Americans, then people here better get used to it. What were Malaysians thinking when they invented the prosperity burger with black pepper sauce? Kiss that nonsense goodbye. The buffalo ranch chicken burger is the way to go!”
“To many, our food is just stuff to shove into the biggest hole in their faces, but to Americans, it’s our cultural heritage, our identity, and our culture. Who are these Asians to deprive Penang customers of the right to enjoy authentic Chicago fast food? Sure if they didn’t like Big Macs made by non-Americans they could eat elsewhere, but don’t you think it’s better we authorities make this decision for them?”