Submitted by Extramarital Postings Editor,
KAJANG: Following their disastrous performance in GE13, MCA are struggling to remain relevant to Malaysian voters. With much at stake for the party in the Kajang by election, President Datuk Seri Liow Tiong Lai took his campaign message to the people.
“Good evening and thank you for attending our MCA event tonight.
I hope you enjoy the delicious buffet. There seems to be quite a lot of food. Sorry? Yes please sit closer. For some reason the function hall organizer put out too many empty chairs.
We are committed to Kajang and MCA believe we can do a lot to help the people when we are not busy infighting among ourselves.
Can you please wait until I finish speaking before you eat? Well OK, yes, if you’re that hungry. Are you sure you are from Kajang? Sorry? OK yes I believe you.
We think it’s time for voters to give MCA a chance. We badly need a victory after almost getting wiped out in the General Election. If we lose this time, it would be very shameful to show our faces. We are so serious that MCA pledge that unless we win, all party members will no longer take up weekend or weeknight postings with mistresses.
We will also avoid sleazy massage parlors, visiting prostitutes in hotel rooms and executive KTVs. You can trust us with this pledge. We are as serious about this one as the one we made not to take up any government positions!
No sorry I don’t have any plastic bags. Can you please tapau the food after I’m done talking?
So in closing I hope you give us this chance to…
Is anybody there?