PETALING JAYA : Celestial voyager, motivational speaker and self-confessed trans-dimensional party animal, Guruji Moolah Maharishi brought his physical and spiritual selves to his Śikāra Yoga Transcendental Meditation Centre this week to conduct a series of RM750 workshops. An internet search would have revealed to attendees that he is wanted in several western countries related to a chain of bankrupt ‘drive through enlightenment’ centres. Nonetheless, last night he addressed the packed room of seekers.
“There are three steps all must take on the path to personal transcendence,” said Guruji Moolah.
“One, you must free yourself of consciousness burdening fiscal encumbrance by expelling it into to my Singaporean bank account.”
“Two, you must bring three new, high-net-worth friends to my seminar tomorrow night,”
“And the third most important step, I can only divulge to those who sign this liability waver for the first two steps!”
The speech was followed by chanting, positive affirmations and the loud hollering of bankrupt followers. Finally the crowd closed their eye’s for a few moments of silent contemplation. After the session, a spiritual devotee told FMN, “Meditating with Guruji always makes me feel a lot lighter, particularly in the region of my trousers where my wallet used to be!”
Later after retiring to his private quarters, Guruji continues to coach seekers individually, particularly if they are attractive ladies.
FMN witnessed a troubled middle-aged woman visiting Guruji with a personal dilemma, “Master my rotten ex-husband left me with two misbehaving kids and huge personal debts. I’m just so furious with him that I want to scream!”
“It sounds like you have a lot of suppressed anger,” Guruji told her, “Here, take a look at this obscenely expensive invoice I’m charging you for this 30 second consult. That normally sends people into a fit of blinding rage!”
“Guruji really has an amazing gift,” another young believer told FMN, “We followers adore him even though he keeps ripping us off! I don’t know how he does it, but I do know he was recently hired as a consultant to teach the Prime Minister!”