Submitted by The people have (sort of) spoken Editor,
HARARE ZIMBABWE: Robert Mugabe at the spritely age of 89 was recently sworn in for another five-year oppressive Presidential term after a thumping victory over his cry baby three-time loser opponent Morgan Tsvangirai. As both Zimbabwe and Malaysia share a common British Colonial history, he had this to say about Barisan Nasional’s May General Election 13 victory.
“I can’t believe the sorry state of Malaysian affairs.” Mugabe told reporters, “What type of incompetent crack pot government do you guys have? Malaysia is a country of endless possibilities as they say in Mongolia, but I’m amazed you still haven’t learned how to ensure a productive democracy. Those Barisan Nasional jokers had everything they needed to get Malaysia back on track with a huge opposition crushing election victory yet they blew it!”
“BN had the fraudulent electoral roll, carefully controlled government sanctioned media, a ‘government friendly’ Electoral Commission, dubious postal votes, gerrymandering, and suspicious election day hijinks yet you still only got 47% of the popular vote! Only 47%? I got over 60% and thanks to me my people are starving! It makes me wonder what you guys would have got if your elections were actually free and fair!”
President Mugabe then excused himself and grabbed a fist full of trillion-dollar Zimbabwe bills on the way to his 24 carat gold toilet muttering, “Why are we out of paper again?”
In Putrajaya the Malaysian Prime Minister had this to say about President Mugabe’s extraordinary comments, “Zimbabwe is hardly an ideal economic or democratic role model for Malaysia or any country. I mean you have this whole country running around at the beck and call of this 90-year-old grumpy old racist despot! How can you run a country like that?” he then excused himself and rushed off to attend an urgent meeting at the request of Tun Dr. Mahathir.
This did not happen.