Submitted by Felt-based Political Intercourse Editor,
PUTRAJAYA: With the first televised pre-election debates between Obama and Romney scheduled to take place this week in the United States, local democracy radicals have asked why Malaysia cannot conduct similar debates between the Prime Minister and the leader of the Opposition so voters have a clearer choice.
The Prime Minister explained to the press, “It’s not that I’m afraid Anwar will humble me in front of my supporters, or that debating him would legitimize Pakatan Rakyat as a genuine alternative, it’s just that my Government Transformation Programme does my speaking for me unless I feel like talking to a controlled crowd. When I said to BN supporters on Sunday, ‘the time has come to be on the offensive,’ what I meant was, ‘the time has come to be offensive’ and we have very offensive things to say about Opposition members and policies when they are not around.”
A spokesman from the Prime Minister’s department told FMN, “Malaysians are more accustomed to political bickering to choose suitable public leaders. Debates may be common in real democracies but Malaysians can’t cope with two leaders maturely disagreeing and discussing what’s best for the nation. Debating isn’t part of the Malaysian culture anyway. Malaysian culture is more about avoiding real issues and making personal attacks about candidate’s private lives, screening sex videos, biased media reporting, butt dances, photo stepping, name-calling, giving out cheques, illegal gatherings and suggesting evil foreign powers are behind anybody you don’t agree with.”
“We can’t have people thinking our PM is a coward!” Information Minister Datuk Seri Rais Bowl told journalists, “To save face the Information Ministry has agreed to allow the Opposition leader to debate a life like Muppet resembling the Prime Minister. The Muppet will be skillfully animated by several backbenchers that are undergoing puppeteer training. They will provide the voice for the Muppet PM but are not familiar enough with government policy to deliver too much worthwhile information or hopefully cause too much embarrassment.”
“This is a test case for the government to see if the public respond to this type of open democracy,” said a political analyst. “It will all depend on how well the Muppet performs. In the end people may not like Barisan Nasional represented by a strange looking animated creature talking nonsense most of the time. They may actually prefer the PM as a Muppet instead.”